you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
