Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
