Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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