Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
