God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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