apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
