I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
