of course. lets lasso hookers.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
