He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
