So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
