the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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