I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
