we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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