I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
