it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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