is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
