Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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