You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
