I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
