I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
