Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
