i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
