He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's Friday. Sex?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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