Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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