do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PANTIES FOUND
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
