Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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