Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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