Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
