VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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