Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
