Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
