My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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