I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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