Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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