So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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