I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
