Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
