you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
