I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
