how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
