i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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