Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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