I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
