the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
