After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
