ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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