i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
