And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
