Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
