There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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