she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
