Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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